I am broadbanded once more. OO is much faster than TW’s RR. With RR I got a max download speed of 250kilobyes/sec, whereas with OO I‘m downloading at over 950kilobytes/sec. That can’t just be because of a “vacant” neighbourhood, this has to be by design and I’m thankful for it. Fast internet is very good for mind, body and soul.
Anyway talking to the Mita grrl today and she mentioned that I don’t really write much about my life and its more about product reviews. I suppose it is like that. I figured writing entirely about my life won’t be worthwhile for you the reader or me as the writer, because face it my life is about as exciting as week old yogurt. I suppose my product reviews or rants on the goings on in the tech world can’t be that much more exciting either but I like sharing and its gives me a soap box.
None the less its rather sad that to this day I haven’t been able to write or even say a single word about one of the most defining times in my life. You see I used to know a girl, a rather extraordinary girl, and as time progressed this girl and I found ourselves in the midst of a relationship. It was a rather extraordinary sort of relationship. Of course being the sort of person I am I could never possibly do things right and this was a classic textbook example of that. I wish I could write freely about this, but its not easy, and even today the wounds are still quite raw and festering. People can be forgotten but you have to live with your own doing, its not easy. Worst of all there are some things I come across in life which just rip the bandages right off and claw at the flesh all over. Good examples come from High Fidelity one of my Top 5 favourite films of all time. In the film Rob, John Cusack’s character, is realizing the goodness of the woman he just broke up with and he launches into the following soliloquy…
“Top five things I miss about Laura: One - Sense of humor. Very dry, but it can also be warm and forgiving. And she’s got one of the best all-time laughs in the history of all-time laughs. She laughs with her entire body. Two - She’s got character…or at least she had character before the Ian nightmare. She’s loyal and honest and she doesn’t even take it out on people when she’s having a bad day. That’s character. Three - I miss…her smell…and the way she tastes. Its a mystery of human chemistry and I don’t understand it. Some people, as far as your senses are concerned, just…feel…like home. I really dig how she walks around. Its like she doesn’t care how she looks or what she projects. And its not that she doesn’t care, its just…she’s not affected I guess. And that gives her grace. and Five - She does this thing in bed when she can’t get to sleep. She kind of half-moans and then rubs her feet together an equal number of times. It just kills me.”
This gets me everytime, even though I’ve seen the film no less than 10 times by now. Then I finally got around to seeing Good Will Hunting and when Sean, Robin William’s character, is talking to Will about love he delivers this line…
“But you’ve never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable…known someone that could level you with her eyes. Feeling like God put an angel on Earth just for you..who could rescue you from the depths of Hell. And you wouldn’t know what it’s like to be her angel, n to have that love for her be there forever. Through anything. Through cancer. And you wouldn’t know about sleepin’ sittin’ up in a hospital room for two months, holding her hand because the doctors could see in your eyes that the terms visiting hours don’t apply to you. You don’t know about real loss, because that only occurs when you love something more than you love yourself. I doubt you’ve ever dared to love anybody that much.”
At this point I was just broken. You could have poured me into a bucket and flushed me down the toilet. I try to be a tough guy but this whole topic is by far my absolute most vulnerable point, it destroys me with horrific absoluteness.
What really bakes my noodle is knowning what that extraordinary girl went through and that too alone…we hardly ever talked about it.
P.S. HTML in comments is not allowed.
Posted by Mr. Keyur at June 3, 2003 12:18 PM | TrackBackThere are times when there is absolutely nothing you can do for someone other than to just be there for them in their darkest hour. I’ve failed on such a simple task once and I can’t forgive myself for it. I hope to God that you didn’t make the same mistake.
Posted by: Daniel at June 3, 2003 04:49 AMI made the same mistake Dan. In hindsight I don’t see how I let it happen, but it hurts all the same.
Posted by: Keyur at June 3, 2003 08:49 AMThat’s how you learn, by screwing up. It’s sad that people have to get hurts when you screw up, but that’s just the way it is.
The hard-to-understand part is that you can’t be told certain things. You have to experience them. Consider yourself lucky if you get it right the first time.
P.S. Why no HTML in comments?? It’s stifles discussion. Having text linked is what the web is about. Are you that worried about evil tags or people putting images in?
Posted by: Ram at June 3, 2003 06:30 PMJust a random comment - I searched for “keyur” in google, and the 8th link that comes up is an anti-pants site - that messes with my head.
Posted by: g at June 7, 2003 03:15 PM